Moving Day, Kill Me

I stayed out way too long last night. Hopefully, in the long run, it was worth it. I lived for five years in Greenpoint and always wanted to befriend a pretty Polish girl. Of course, the last night I’m in the city, a night when I shouldn’t have stayed out late, I befriend a pretty Polish girl. It better have been worth it.

Luckily I was essentially all packed up before I went out last night. Good thing, because loading the rental car would have been ten-times worse if I had had more packing to do before filling up the car. Even through the hangover (though I nearly puked twice), I was still able to load the Tahoe (Chevy; it is really nice) in about 45 minutes. I hope I didn’t offend the Enterprise rental guys with the boozy waft that I’m sure emanated from me in the store. The people on the subway were giving me that look this morning (that’s right, this morning!) as I rode it home from the night out before, as if my presence with the lingering effervescence of vodka and beer was enough to send them into inebriated convulsions. Even when I started driving, after a shower and forcing a little oatmeal into my system, I could still feel the exigency of rebellion in my stomach. Steadfast I was though. Now, finally, I’m home and getting some real food. I subsisted on a box of Special K Cereal Bars through the trip to make sure I saved on money and so I didn’t have to stop for food. I wanted to be out of the apartment in Brooklyn by 10. It was closer to 11 when I left and nearly 12:30 when I was finally cruising I-87. New York traffic, gotta love it.

But I’m home now in Angelica. The easiest part of the day is over. After loading this morning and driving for 6 hours, I now have to unload, pack a quick overnight bag, and drive back to New York. I hope to be back by midnight. Considering I’m on about 2 ½ hours sleep, this ought to be interesting. I did find a cool all-Elvis station on XM Satellite Radio. I’ll be listening to more of that on the way back, as well as the holiday music station, and the indie station they have on there. Not too shabby. But I’m going to finish my chili and crackers, have a few cookies my mom baked today, and relax for a bit. Hopefully I post tomorrow or Friday meaning that I have not fallen asleep at the wheel.

Bye Bye Brooklyn

Well, it’s the last day when I’ll call Jewel Street my home. At least for this time around. I doubt I’d ever be able to live back on this street again. The chances of finding something when I move back here and ready to look for my own place will be slim. I don’t know why I’m so bummed about it. I wanted to move anyway and find something new. I was getting a tired of the same things all the time; the same walk to and from work; the same people I see every day. But again, it’s not like I was the one who made the decision to leave. Forced on me this time by circumstances out of my control. That’s why it’s so frustrating. There is this sense that I am no longer in control. It’s like I’ve been veering off course and unable to correct the momentum. My life is being dictated to me.

Maybe I can change that tonight. One last hurrah in the city that never sleeps. I need to get some sleep tonight though. Rental car at 8 in the morning. Pack. Drive upstate. Unload. Eat. Pack an overnight bag. Drive back. Sleep. Then up early Thursday to return the car and jump on a bus back upstate. Good god. So just a couple drinks with the old Potential crew and then back to the apartment here.

Days Are Going To Fly

I signed up for the GRE standard test today. I take it Dec. 13, 2011 at 12:30pm. I’m excited. Now that I’m signed up for it, there’s that added thrust of urgency to get to studying. I need to kill this test, not only for graduate school applications, for my own sense of accomplishment and worth.

I’ve been packing a lot already. I don’t move upstate for another 5 days, but it’s good to start assessing how much stuff I have and how many additional boxes I’m going to need. I’ll definitely need a few extra. I have amassed a decent collection of books, particularly the ones I’m reading from the TIME Magazine 100 Greatest Novels from 1923-Present list. Out of the 55 that I have read, I think I own close to 40 of them. Anyway, I’m digressing. I need some more boxes to pack up my junk and get it back upstate. I’ve been getting rid of a bunch of stuff as well. A bag of clothes went outside to the curb today. I hope someone in far dire needs than I took it. I also managed to sell my bed, dresser, and air-conditioner to the new roommate who will be replacing me when I move out. That was great to be able to unload that stuff instead of sending it to the curb. It helps right now to get that extra bit of cash back into the bank account.

There’s still a ton to do though. I have to change my address on all my accounts and everything. That’s always a bummer and time-consumer. Plus, if all goes how I would like, I’ll be back down in New York City within a few months so I’ll get to do it all over again. Yeah! (Sarcasm.) And I’ve got to get rolling on the other pieces of my graduate school applications, plus get the George Bennett Fellowship writing done, as well as keep up on the blogs, reading, and everything else. The rest of my days are going to fly by here.

Graduate School Research

I was looking at the CUNY J School application info again last night. I wanted to check out the different tracks that they offer to which one would be the best fit. The International track is the best one. On top of the program lasting only 3 semesters, CUNY has a fully functional studio, where I would undoubtedly gain some experience in mass media and other media formats. An internship is required, where they place you either at the United Nations, down in Washington as a foreign correspondent, or an internship abroad. I’ve actually already been looking for job opportunities at the United Nations, so that, I think, would be ideal. Of course, getting paid to travel abroad by the school is not too shabby. But I’ve got to get into the program first. So, need to kick some GRE butt next month.

I also did some research into Hunter College’s MFA program in English. This also seems like a good fit. They do not require a GRE, which actually hurts my chances a little bit, I think. My grades coming out of undergrad were not exceptional. I’m hoping to use a high GRE score to strengthen my case for acceptance into graduate programs. I know I screwed up in undergrad. I shouldn’t have worked full-time. I should never have bought my truck and immured myself to labor rather than studies. I was working, and when I wasn’t working, I didn’t want to study. I needed some free time to enjoy myself. That was stupid. I didn’t make the necessary sacrifices to better my education first, to pursue my natural inclinations of what I wanted to do. So, I’m paying for it a little bit here. Clearly, not all is lost. I have some pretty extensive works that I can offer as part of my application to the school. They require 20-25 pages of material. I have well beyond that. I just need to make sure it’s bloody brilliant to gain acceptance.

Also, last Wednesday I made my first claim to New York for unemployment. It’s incredibly easy. It took me no more than 5 minutes. They ask the basic questions of did I work more than 30 hours the previous week, did I make more than $405.00 last week, am I actively pursuing job openings, applying, etc. You click a few buttons, apply, verify, and you’re done. Super easy. Thanks to New York for making it not stressful. Being unemployed is taxing enough.

Craigslist Ad

I posted a spot on Craigslist.org for a room/share for my roommate. I was gauging the responses I would receive if I posted an opening for a December 1^st move-in should I move back home at the end of the month. It’s so late in the month that I thought most people looking for a Dec. 1 move-in might already have found their next place to live. I was wrong. I’ve received 16 responses since posting the ad late Friday afternoon. I think it’s been about 18 hours since the post. That was much more than I anticipated. Is this the sign that’s saying, “Hey, get out of New York for a while. Regroup. Reenergize.” I thought maybe I’d receive 3-4 responses and maybe 1 or 2 of the people would sound normal. But almost everyone single one of them sounds great. If I was looking for a roommate, I’d want to meet every single person who emailed. They all sounded awesome. I told my roommate, “Well, if we get a lot of people to respond, that might be the thing I need to make me make that decision.” And a lot of people have responded…

But I did apply for another job yesterday and it seemed like it would be a good fit. It was for this Program Assistant with The City University of New York. (Hey! That’s where I want to go to school!) I easily met all their requirements. I’d take a slight pay hit, but that’s okay right now since I’ve now deferred my student loans and will not have to worry about them for 6 months at least. The problem is that I need to make a decision on moving probably before Thanksgiving. I can’t say if I’d be able to get an interview before the holiday though with the short work week. Shitty, shitty timing.

I think my biggest fear about going home is that I do not get into any of the schools in New York City, or any schools in general. Then, the longer I am unemployed, the harder it will be to find a new job. I can’t imagine I would not be able to get into at least one school. But I have to keep that in mind. It would really be difficult trying to come back after 6 to 9 months away from the city and again looking for a job, having to go entry level, and probably working for absolutely terrible money. I don’t want to be in that position when I’m 30 years old.

Occupy Wall Street

I went down to Occupy Wall Street yesterday. It was their 2-month anniversary and planned “Day of Action.” The day was especially important in light of the city’s crackdown on the camp at Zuccotti Park early Tuesday morning. The Mayor, who seems pressured from outside forces –money—ordered the protesters encampments removed citing health and safety concerns. (Wall Street greed is a health and safety concern. But I don’t see the police brutally breaking up their “camps”.) So, I felt it necessary to be down there at the protests. But keep in mind, I attended four rallies/marches while being employed. So my new unemployment status did not affect my decision to attend. I would have been down there anyway.

I met up with my friend and his girlfriend for the Student Strike at CUNY, the branch at 34^th Street and 5^th Avenue. From there we marched to Union Square, and then from there down to Foley Square, near City Hall. Overall, it was a huge rally. But it didn’t seem as large as it should have been. I think the movements hurting, lacking in cohesiveness, and that is preventing Occupy from recruiting new members. Not really sure what will happen to them. I might not be able to attend any more rallies if I leave the city. But I will still be with them in solidarity from afar.

Decisions

A little over 10 days on now. Much of the tension of worry over money has faded. It’s been replaced with more contemplation on what I am planning to do in the near future. I have the money and capability to get myself home, hole-up there for a short while until next fall when I will hopefully be in graduate school. Living at home off UI will be an easier affair than struggling in the city until that time. And I feel it will be quite a struggle if I were to stay here, especially at the current rate of rent that I pay. Of course, I can find myself a new apartment, but that’s always a costly thing as well. Most places request essentially a double payment of the first month’s rent for security deposit. (Which reminds me, I should get my security deposit back from my roommate after I leave. I forgot about that.) So, trying to make a move just doesn’t seem like a good idea at this time when I’m trying to be as cost-effective as possible.

But I think a plan is formulating to apply to the CUNY Journalism School. It just seems to make sense to me with my burgeoning interest in politics and all. I feel I might have to tone down my obvious Left leanings on my blog, but I don’t think that will be too hard. I wish the Blogger was a bit more versatile. I’d love to be able to create sections, and different pages, similar to a real newspaper. I’d like to post stuff to current events, or politics, or local, or have an Op-Ed page, where I could rant euphoric. But Google seems to keep the capabilities of the Blogger builder rather low. I’m sure it’s a lot to manage for them, as it is, so I'm sure they want to keep it as simple as possible. But hopefully I can keep posting regularly to the blog and have a nice site ready to point to on my school application. I think I’m doing something right, at least. I have an interview on Friday for an internship for an online magazine doing marketing and PR work. They only saw my blog, as far as writing samples go, so I must have impressed them somewhat with it. The problem is committing to the internship and then having to move home and not being able to get much experience. I’d probably have to make that decision within the next couple of weeks, probably before the end of the month (moving home, that is). That will be the decisive factor in many of the things going through my head right now.

One Week And Counting

I’ve surpassed one full week of being without a job. Sleeping has been tough. Not so much that I’m suffering from insomnia or anything, but I can feel an immense tension in my back in the morning. Saturday I awoke with a pain below my left shoulder blade. Today, Sunday, there is a stiffness stretching across my back. I know I’ve been dreaming, but they seem erratic and I’m having trouble remembering exactly what is happening in them. I imagine my subconscious is roaming wildly in the breeches of sleep.

This week will be more of the same as the last, with one notable exception. I have to return my Separation Agreement, signed, back to my company. That will release the pitiful, insulting severance offer that was given to me. I also have to fill out their stupid Post Employment summary attachments I was sent. These are for if I want to continue my health insurance with them through COBRA, or my dental plan. “Ya know what, Potential, shove it.” The dental plan was absolute garbage. It wouldn’t even cover the costs of getting my wisdom teeth removed, or the anesthesia for it. And the estimated costs of continuing my health care coverage through COBRA, is $556 per month. Christ, that’s expensive. That’s a rent payment. How the hell was it that much while I was in the program? I bet I can find something far cheaper on my own. I don’t need your pity, or charity (though I laugh to call it even that) Potential.

Next on the agenda is deferring my student loans. I have to provide some proof of my unemployment status. Not sure what exactly that will be, but I’ll fill you in later on that. I’ll probably work on that crap Monday. But I think I’ll keep one repayment loan open. I hope that with my unemployment I can afford to continue to pay the balance off on my Sallie Mae loan. It’s almost paid off now. I would love to close out that account while on unemployment. I’ll keep making progress, as long as Unemployment Insurance doesn’t screw me over. Unfortunately, the way this year is shaping up, I’m having trouble maintaining high hopes over anything.

But Thursday will be a good day. Occupy Wall Street celebrates its two month anniversary with another massive march on Wall Street, protesting the recession caused by the financial sector and that no accountability has been put forth on them, no one is in jail, and these companies are still performing the same risky practices that caused the recession in the first place. It’s been four years now since the downturn, and I think losing my job was partially still a product of it. The weak economy strained many of our clients’ budgets, which lead to downsizing, which lead to my being shackled with five people’s jobs at my company, which lead to my unwillingness to be used (even though I still was used right to the last day), and finally to my own departure. Wall Street must pay for their crimes. I will be there in solidarity with the men and women of Occupy Wall Street. Occupy everything.

Denied

They denied my request for them to re-evaluate the severance offer that was made to me. I’ve decided I’ll just post the letter I sent them. I have changed the name of the company to the title of my blog to protect their name and mine for legal reasons and omitted the names of my former coworkers. They were all with Potential for less time than I was and received more severance than I did. My layoff was personal. I was singled out. And the severance offer was insulting. I have removed my former Director from my Facebook friends list. I won't associate myself with lowly human beings as him. I feel sorry my friends swho till have to work under him and that worthless no-nothing CFO pretending like she's running the place. It's probably pretty obvious how mad I am.

* * *
To whom it may concern,

I'd like to respectfully request that the severance offer made in the Separation Agreement be re-evaluated. My tenure with the company was long and beneficial. I believe I always presented myself as a dedicated employee in my specific duties, to the company as a whole, and to Potential's business partners. I ask the following to be taken into consideration in determining my severance package.

I was officially hired in May of 2007 after starting as a temp in January 2007. This was nearly 5 years of employment. Having no finance background, I embraced the duties given to me and excelled in performance of those duties. This was rewarded with a gradual increase in responsibilities and eventually elevation to the role of the AP Manager.

Through those 5 years I consistently worked beyond the standard hours asked of me and beyond company policy standards. I was always willing to stay late when asked, and even when I was not asked, in order to perform the necessary functions of my job, and often had to take on the responsibilities of other positions. I was most often the first person to walk in the door in the morning, and often one of the last to leave in the evening. In March 2010, Potential took on board the additional workload of XXX. While the additional workload was substantial the AP Department incorporated these tasks quickly despite being provided no additional support staff.

When the old Controller position was released from doing the Xxxxxxx, Xxxxxx Xxxxxx, and Xxxxx responsibilities in February 2011 that additional workload fell to me. My team helped and eventually Xxxx would assume the Xxxxxx Xxxxxx responsibilities, but the additional work: processing invoices, addressing discrepancies, emails from the vendors and account teams, making payments, etc. was substantial for all these SBUs.

In June 2011, Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxx was let go and I was again given the unassigned responsibilities. I informed the Director that Xxxxxxxx has the largest volume of invoices to enter in the department and was hence a full-time position. The work was overbearing. The emails alone from X's vendors delegated hours of my time and there were days when I could do little else, having to push my own responsibilities off to address the higher priority problems. I was told there would be a replacement within 30 days, and to do the work for that time but a replacement was never hired in the five months since. This put a strain on my ability to be able to run the department as effectively as had been before.

Earlier this year, Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx and Xxxxxx Xxxx were released and portions of their daily job functions were put onto the AP Department: processing and cutting checks for the rest of the SBUs similar to the above and overhead payments, respectively. My team was always willing to help, but as the manager of the department, ultimately the greater share of the additional responsibilities fell to me once again.

I understand my termination has no bearing on my work performance, but is an unfortunate result of a restructuring of the department. I believe the above record is strongly representative of my dedication to Xxxxxxx through the years and respectfully request a severance package to include 6 months of full salary and health insurance coverage for the same term.

Please reply to this email address, or I can be reached by phone at (000) 000-0000.

Regards,
Xxxxx Xxxx
* * *

Wrap It Up

Most of the last few days have been spent in wait. My old company has yet to respond to a request that they re-evaluate the severance offered to me. To be frank, and because the details are still being hammered out, I simply told them it was insufficient. Based on the length of my employment and, in my view, the dedication I exhibited to the company through the years, I thought they owed me better. So, I told them so in a letter and asked that they take a few things into consideration. Plus, this offer was based on their “restructuring” of the company. That’s the same “restructuring” that lost me a job. I find it ludicrous, ironic, and illogical that they would attempt this excuse. Clearly, my employment is not constituted beneath the statutes of their “restructuring.” I will not be hindered beneath their new rules.

But still, it is annoying to have to wait. I’d think they’d want to address the issue as soon as possible so that we can all put this behind us. Plus, I need to file for unemployment with the state. When unemployment kicks in is dependent on how long my severance will last. As well, I need to defer my student loans and I need proof of unemployment. But if I receive the offer I put forth, I might not want to defer all my loans since one of them is nearly paid off. I’ll be able to close out that account and put one more thing out of my mind. Let’s wrap this up, people.

Greener Pastures

I found a dollar on the linoleum floor of the deli across the street from my office. I thought as I bent down to pick it up, “Must be my lucky day.” Hours later I was laid off.

It was strange, bittersweet. I had been looking for a way out, a new job, going back to school. Something. If I went back to school, I was hoping my employment would last until the next school year. If I found a job, it would hopefully be something to finally utilize the “worthless” Bachelors Degree in English I have thus far let go to waste. But god, I wanted to go out on my terms, ya know? I wanted to be able to say, or at least to think, I’m leaving and although you need me, I’m going to go because there’s something better for me to do. But things didn’t turn out that way, and, I don’t want to say this is inevitable, but there was that lingering cloud of failure hanging over me as I was escorted out of the building (company policy, I didn’t going crazy on them). I’m not used to that. I can’t imagine anyone would ever be.

My friend Tom was in town, actually driving in as I was being laid off. And he was staying with me. That was actually probably a very good thing. While my mind was racing a thousand beats a minute: what do I do about money, do I have to move and get a cheaper place, do I have to leave this city I love so much, etc; I was at least partially preoccupied having him stay with me. I wasn’t  able to linger on such thoughts for very long, a good distraction. And then, the first night I had my room back to myself, I had an interesting dream.

I was playing basketball, a team mixed with my Brooklyn brethren, and guys from my middle school and high school teams, none of whom have ever met. And we were killing the other team, figuratively speaking of course. And I was leading; I was the star. I was a huge success and there was no cloud of failure raining down on me. The next day, messaging a friend of mine through Facebook, a now former coworker, asking me what had happened, I told her, “There’s that bittersweet element to it. There are greener pastures all around. Now I have the time to go explore them.”